My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
