The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
