Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
