i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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