sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
