Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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