this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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