Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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