Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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