Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
