just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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