I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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