Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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