I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
be right there i have to get my cape
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I have tasted many bathrooms
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
