I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
