We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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