I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
