Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
