i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
