it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Randomize
