Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
