i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
