I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
