I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
