I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
