Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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