I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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