Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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