Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
