yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
