Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
