All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize
