How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
