I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
