U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
