Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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