after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
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my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
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So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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