I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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