drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize