I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
