I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
