I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Randomize
