It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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