every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
