Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
