I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
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you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
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I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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