I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
