Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
