Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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