just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
