We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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