Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
