I skipped work to stalk him.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
