just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
be right there i have to get my cape
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
