He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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