Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
