i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You can't just leave with hair like that
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
