I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
