He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
