We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
