im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
