she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
3 2 1 whiskey
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
