I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
