I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
