saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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