Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
