Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
