my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
cat food counts as protein by the way
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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