Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
