I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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