hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
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My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
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I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
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