my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Church boner. Awkwardddd
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
