I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
