I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
