Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
