So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
