Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Randomize
