i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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